There is something sympathy-provoking to me about the postpartum woman. No longer is her belly considered "cute," though neither can she hide beneath the bends of oversized clothing without strangers thinking she's been spending too much time at Krispy Kreme. And while it's true that she probably didn't get full nights of sleep during the last trimester, the lines and wrinkles under her eyes are now so defined that makeup's best hope is to make her look only somewhat tired, and not completely exhausted. But all of this is beside the point.
You see, there comes a time after childbirth that a mother cannot even claim postpartum status, but only motherhood status. In a society where nannies are the norm and full-time motherhood is seen as a cop-out, there is no excuse left for say, a woman like me with a 1-year old, to have bags under my eyes and be an emotional wreck at times. But I do, and I am. Since I've been through this before, I know this is another phase and that it's temporary, but it's hard. I am no longer pregnant, and I no longer have a "baby." Knee-deep into the weaning process, my body doesn't know whether to make milk or not, or how much. I have headaches. Jonathan's been waking up between 5 and 6 instead of 7 and 8, because he still gets to nurse in the morning and before bed, and he's trying to make morning come as soon as possible. I look and feel exhasted, and the explanation isn't as obvious as having a big belly or carrying a newborn in a sling, though if anyone's been around my 3-year-old for any length of time and had to answer her 20 questions a minute, that might explain some of it.
I know there is grace enough for this. Jesus has not left me alone, and promises not to. How precious are these little ones that wear me out! I would not trade them in for my old abs back, or circles removed from under my eyes, or weekends of sleeping in. I would not trade them for quiet in the car, uninterrupted blogging (which would be boring without them anyway), or a cleaner house. No, I will keep them. And I will rejoice!
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
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7 comments:
Hey Lisa,
You're such an eloquent writer :) I was just down at my parents' house yesterday, and was looking through old albums. There were some pics of you, Faith, and Dustin at my birthday party. It was so great seeing them and reminiscing on old times. It also made me realize I can't believe we are all grown up, married, and with kids. I am blessed to have had you Hammetts as friends growing up, and I find myself wishing we'd lived closer so we could have been even better friends. I think your parents did a tremendous job raising you all, and I know you will do the same with your precious little ones. When the girls were under the age of 3 I was exhausted and overwhelmed all the time as well. 4 and 5, while challenging in many ways, also brings more independence and isn't quite as hard on Mom :) I love you, you're doing a great job.
Rachel
Hnag in there Lisa! You are a WONDERFUL Mom!! :)
You are not alone! My personal favorite is when I walk into the office and the first thing I hear is "You look tired." or "Are you feeling well?"...especially on a day when I think I look halfway decent :o)
I'm right there with you, Lisa! Thanks for the encouragement at the end. It reminded me of that wonderful quote from Stepping Heavenward. the main character (Katy) has just given birth to her third child in the middle of a very trying season of life. A well-meaning friend pities Katy for having “one more mouth to fill and two feet the more to shoe, more disturbed nights, more laborious days, and less leisure or visiting, reading, music, and drawing.” Katy replies, “This is one side of the story to be sure, but I look at the other. Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which it dwells is worthy all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all, to whom, while I minister in God's name, I will make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation my other darlings had left me. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother's heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, her life-long prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, how wondrously blest!”
This might seem like an odd direction to take, but have you been tested for anemia? I know there are a lot of good reasons to be exhausted in your life right now, but you never know if it might be physical. From what I've seen, naturally thin people are more susceptible to it.
Thanks for the encouragement, friends. Mary Mc, I love Stepping Heavenward! I knew we were kindred spirits. Candace, good guess, but I've been tested for Anemia and Hyperthyroidism (as I am "naturally thin" and all), and my numbers are normal. I would love a "real" explanation though!
ya, it could be something legit....haha--as if two babies and being a woman isnt legit--tee hee. girl, are you pregnant again?
if not, then maybe it's the what happens regularly if your not pregnant.
rx: geogetown cupcakes
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